MUM IS TAKING OVER OUR LIVES

Dear Coleen

Last year me and my husband and our two young sons moved to our dream house with the help of my mum.

My dad died a few years ago and left my mum quite a bit of money in life insurance. We lived about an hour away from my mum and then saw a house just up the road from her go on sale, but it was too expensive for us.

My mum kindly offered to give us £40,000 and said it was early inheritance. We jumped at the chance and moved in last year.

However, the money seems to have given my mum this power over us. She pops round whenever she wants and often uses the key we gave her but it was only supposed to be used in emergencies. She tells us how she thinks we should decorate and questions our financial decisions. If we try to speak to her about it she says we’re being ungrateful for the money she gave us.

But we said thank you at the time and anyway, it was a gift.

It now feels like she owns a piece of us – and our house.

What can we do?

Coleen says Money favours between family members can become tricky.

It sounds like, in theory at least, living up the road from your mum has its benefits. So you don’t want to fall out with her over this.

However, what you can do is sit her down calmly and tell her how grateful you are for the money she has given you, but also explain that it’s getting a bit much.

Popping in all the time with her own key just isn’t on and you need to say that as a family you need privacy.

It’s also worth telling her that if she’d explained that she would in some way feel like you ‘owe’ her or that part of the deal was her becoming so involved in your day to day life, you may not have accepted the money.

But end on a positive note and say how much you love being up the road from her as you get to see her so much more. Be gentle and kind about this.