I’M WORRIED HE’S JUST USING ME

Dear Coleen

About six months ago I started sleeping with a man from work. He’s high up in the firm and really good looking.

I’m 23 and was flattered when he showed an interest in me and we went out for a few drinks. After a few dates I went back to his flat and we had sex, but the next day at work he pretty much ignored me. However, a few days later he emailed me and told me how pretty I looked.

We exchanged a few more emails and he asked me out for dinner later that week. I went and again I ended up back at his flat and he ignored me afterwards.

This pattern has now been going on for about six months now and the only reason I let it continue is because I’m completely crazy about him. When we’re together he’s so sweet and charming. But afterwards, when he’s ignoring me, I feel heartbroken.

We never go on dates, I’ve never been introduced to his friends and he never contacts me unless it’s to arrange drinks, which always end in sex.

Is he just using me?

Coleen says

Sorry, but yes, he’s using you. He might be blanking you in the office because he doesn’t want to make things difficult at work, maybe due to the fact he’s more senior than you, and all sorts of reasons like that.

But you know what, if the work thing was so important he’d end things between you.

And if he really liked you enough, he’d find a way around the work situation and let you become a proper couple.

Instead, he’s just using you for sex and only you can put a stop to it. If you want to give things one last shot you could say to him: “Look I really like you and after six months things haven’t progressed at all. I’m not going to just sleep with you at the end of a night out – I refuse to be that girl. And I’m getting my feelings hurt by all this.”

If he really likes you he’ll change, and if he doesn’t then you know you’ve made the right decision and you can move on.