DAD WANTS TO MEET ME AFTER 30YRS

Dear Coleen

My dad left my mum when I was four and has never bothered to stay in touch.

My two brothers and I got the occasional Christmas and birthday card but they dried up by the time we were teenagers. I’m now 36 and married with two young children of my own.

My mum died a few years ago and the last I’d heard, my dad was living in Spain with his new wife. Last month, however, he wrote to me saying he’s now divorced and is moving back to the UK because he’s had some heart problems.

He wants to meet up with my brothers and me, even though he walked out on us all over 30 years ago. My brothers are very angry and don’t want to see him, but I don’t know what to do. Any advice?

Coleen says

I understand their anger, but from what you’re saying I think you should meet up with him, even if it’s just to hear his side of the story and draw a line under what’s happened in the past.

I’m not saying your mum lied or anything like that, but I think it sometimes helps us to hear another side of a story which we think we’re so familiar with. There might be many reasons why he didn’t stay in touch and, if I were you, I’d want to know.

Maybe after you’ve met him you’ll decide you don’t actually want to see him again, but at least you can take some comfort from the fact you’ve met him.

I can also understand that your loyalty is torn between your brothers and your dad.

But everybody is different so please just do what feels right for you. Give him an opportunity to see you and you could also get some of your old hurt off your chest by telling him how it made you feel when he left you all those years ago.

You say he’s poorly, so if anything happens to him you may never get this chance again.