This is one Cannonball that will not run and run
According to its intro, ITV’s new gameshow Cannonball featured “a group of intrepid buffoons, most of whom will sink into obscurity”.
So you could see the logic in ITV launching it just before the return of The X Factor on Saturday night.
However, unlike Simon Cowell’s singing contest I’m not expecting to see Cannonball run and run.
That’s not to say it’s the worst programme ever.
As any five year old will tell you, Cannonball can be quite amusing in short bursts.
Unfortunately, by stretching it out to an hour, ITV has simply exposed just how wafer thin and repetitive it is.
It runs on such a familiar loop that the Maltese coastal resort where it is filmed really ought to be renamed Groundhog Bay.
With lively contestants routinely falling – often painfully – into the water, comparisons with BBC1’s Total Wipeout are hard to avoid. At least Wipeout appeared to have some kind of structure to it, though.
Cannonball is just people mucking about at a water park.
At times like this, we often turn to the presenter in the hope that they can make some sense of it.
Here that merely adds to the puzzle. Cannonball has five hosts.
Former cricketer Freddie Flintoff is the Vernon Kay of the piece, shouting his way through a voiceover that attempts to convince us – and probably Freddie himself – that the action is a lot more hilarious than it is.
I wish I could tell you more about Freddie’s four helpers.
But, to be brutally honest, I was mightily distracted by the shape of the giant inflatable used in a round called Blob.
Let’s just say if you can look at it and not think of Phoenix Nights’ Brian Potter yelling: “They can’t go jumping up and down on a love length!” you’ll already be one up on me.