MY MARRIED FRIEND IS ON A SEX SITE

Dear Coleen

I’m a guy and have a female friend who is on a sex site. She swears she has never actually hooked up with anyone on the site, but loves the chat and attention she gets. I’m convinced, though, that she has met one particular man.

She’s married but lonely and bored. She sends photos and videos to guys on the site and also talks to them via Kik and WhatsApp, so has obviously given out her phone number.

We used to be close friends, but not any more. I’ve begged her to come off the site, but she won’t.

What can I do to make her see sense?

Coleen says

I think you should point out that it’s not the answer to her marital problems. Meeting different guys for sex might relieve her boredom momentarily, but the bottom line is she needs to address what’s wrong with her marriage, whether or not those issues can be worked on, and whether she thinks the relationship is worth saving.

Other than that, I’m not sure what else you can do, other than point out the obvious safety concerns around meeting up with guys she’s met online for sex. Ask her to tell you or someone else where she’s going and who with.

Obviously, it would be a lot easier for her to see other men if she ended her marriage, so perhaps she just wants to have her cake and eat it.

Maybe she loves the thrill of these illicit encounters, but likes coming home to the security of the marital home. But that’s not a situation she can sustain and it will end in tears.