HE LIED ABOUT TAKING DRUGS

Dear Coleen

I’ve been with my boyfriend for six years now and we got together very young – we’re still only 21. I always thought we told each other everything and until now I believed we’d never hid anything from each other. But now I have found out that he has taken drugs.

He has only done this twice, but he knows how anti-drugs I am and he lied to my face about this.

I have forgiven him, but I can’t seem to forget what he did. Every time I think about him going out drinking with his mates I just have a feeling he’s going to do it again.

He tells me not to worry, but how can I not be concerned when I know he’s lied to me before?

How do I get over this without ruining our relationship?

Coleen says

It’s a difficult situation – you can’t babysit him or force him to stay in.

That will cause you to break up anyway because he won’t be happy that you’re monitoring his every move.

You need to decide in your own mind what you are willing to put up with – then stick to it. If you want to be with him, then all you can say to him is, “I am trusting you, but if I find out that you’ve done it again I won’t ever be able to trust you and we’re done.”

Then it’s down to him to work out what he values more.

Make it clear that if he wants to take drugs, then it’s his life to do with what he chooses, but you won’t be by his side.