HE’S STILL IN TOUCH WITH HIS EX LOVER

Dear Coleen

I suspect that my boyfriend of four years is cheating on me with his ex-girlfriend.

The reason for thinking this is that I recently saw a conversation between him and his ex on his phone. I had previously asked him to block her number, which he did, but he then accepted her friend request on social media.

The most hurtful thing is when I confronted him about this he said he’d accepted her as a friend on purpose. I don’t know what to do.

Coleen says

You don’t have any evidence that he’s cheating but, even if he’s not, he needs to realise that you should be more important to him. It ought to be a no-brainer.

I get lots of letters about partners continuing to see or speak to their ex, claiming they are ‘just friends’.

But, here’s the thing, they’re not just friends because there’s a sexual and romantic history there. Of course, no one should be expected to drop their friends when they start dating, but I don’t think they can stay close to an ex-partner, especially if it’s upsetting their current one.

Your boyfriend isn’t reassuring you on any front – he’s brazenly accepted her friend request and is having conversations with her that he’s keeping secret. This isn’t good grounds for your relationship.

Only you can decide whether you can carry on living with this level of insecurity and paranoia, or you need to move on and find someone who you can trust.