MY BOYFRIEND HAS GONE COLD

Dear Coleen

I’ve been with my boyfriend for three months. We grew up together and get on so well, but over the past few weeks he’s changed and I don’t know why.

We’re both going through huge changes in our lives – we’ve both just started our first jobs and are studying at the same time, but something’s different.

He’s cold and he doesn’t seem like the person I fell in love with.

He used to be so caring and now I can’t even get a kiss in the morning. I rely on him a lot and I feel like I could have some sort of psychological dependency on him.

I’ve tried everything – talking to him, texting him and so on, but he doesn’t understand what he’s doing wrong.

Is there anything you can suggest to make things better?

Coleen says

I think you have to explain things differently – instead of accusing him of doing things wrong, tell him you’re picking up signs that his feelings have changed for you. And if that’s the case you would rather know now.

It does sound as if you’re both going through lots of big changes and perhaps he’s feeling a bit overwhelmed and doesn’t actually know if he wants a big serious relationship right now. So he’s become cold towards you rather than being brave enough to admit the truth, hoping that you’ll finish it.

If that’s not the case, then perhaps ask yourself if your dependency on him is an issue. It’s not healthy in a relationship for all your focus to be on your partner – you need friends and a life outside of it, too.