I GAVE UP EVERYTHING FOR HIM

Dear Coleen

I met my husband online and moved to a different part of the country to be with him, away from everything I knew, including friends and family.

Four years on, I miss them all so much and only get to see them for one weekend a month as the travel is so exhausting.

I row a lot with my husband and things can get physical, but I have a job here and a son from a previous relationship who is settled at school. I don’t know what to do for the best. If I left, I would have no home and no job.

Coleen says

You have good friends and family at home, so why can’t you go back and get a job in that area? I’m absolutely sure they would rather help you out than have you stay in an unhappy relationship, especially one that “gets physical”, which is obviously very concerning.

If he’s hitting you, then you need to put the safety of yourself and your child first. For more information and support, visit refuge.org.uk.

As far as kids go, they are very adaptable, and your son will be fine so long as you are. You’re the most important thing in his life – not the school or his friends. Yes, he’ll miss his pals at first, but he’ll quickly make new ones.

When you’re thinking of making a big decision, which this is, of course it’s scary and you automatically think of pitfalls rather than the positives.

Maybe you would struggle for a while to find the right home and job, but you’d have a support network there and, in the long run, you’d be happier and so would your son.

Please don’t stay in an abusive environment – it’s not healthy for you or your son. And don’t worry about anyone who says “I told you so” because things haven’t worked out.

You tried it and it didn’t work, and now it’s time to move on.