I CAN’T COPE WITH AILING MUM-IN-LAW

Dear Coleen

My mother-in-law has terminal cancer, and it’s tearing my husband and I apart. She expects me to do everything for her, which I do.

However, she’s always picking arguments with me. It’s like my life revolves around her – sorry if that sounds harsh, but I’m being very patient.

My husband is depressed and takes things out on me, and I just don’t know how to deal with the situation. We have stopped being intimate and we seem to be drifting apart. It’s extra hard because we all live together and can’t even go shopping without a reminder that she’s ill and needs assistance.

There’s no one else that can help her, so I’m stuck.

I’ve spoken to my husband several times, but I don’t want him to think I don’t care for his mother.

What do I do?

Coleen says

It’s a hard situation for everyone. Your husband has probably already started the grieving process over his mum, but it’s different for you because you don’t love her the way he does.

I think you both have to acknowledge where you are and what you can do to make this situation a little easier to bear, and a little easier on your relationship too. Naturally, his focus is on his mum, but you can look into respite care – even just a couple of hours so that you can have some time on your own is invaluable.

It sounds as if you feel very alone, so I’d encourage you to get in touch with support groups and speak to others in the same situation.

In terms of intimacy, sex drive is often the first thing to go if someone is depressed or stressed.

Don’t take any of what your husband is doing right now personally – it doesn’t mean he doesn’t love or fancy you, and that side of things will return.