And so to the BIG QUESTIONS of the week

1 Will Wayne Rooney ask to do community service with a graffiti-cleaning team on the grounds he has plenty of experience knocking around with scrubbers?

2 Morrissey joining Twitter. Is it fair to say people shouldn’t expect too many likes from him?

3 A book about Princess Margaret which paints her as such a nasty piece of work that her husband once tried to set her on fire. Who’d have guessed?

4 Vince Cable saying he can be the oldest British PM since Churchill. Doesn’t he mean the longest-running joke since the Churchill insurance dog?

5 New laws to be brought in for crimes by cyclists. Can I propose middle-aged men get an automatic road ban for wearing a full Lycra outfit?