No rap sheet for me

Here’s something I’ve been mulling over all week: if I did something criminal, such as stamp on my sons’ fingers, to prevent them using so much damn loo roll (it’s costly, after all, as well as a massive pain to lug home from the supermarket), would I be considered ‘too clever to be jailed’ like ‘brilliant’ Oxford student Lavinia Woodward, who stabbed her boyfriend in a drugfuelled rage?

No, is the answer to that. In which case I won’t break their fingers. I’ll ration the loo rolls instead.