I WANT TO BE CLOSER WITH MY EX-LOVER

Dear Coleen

My ex-boyfriend recently moved back to my town to complete his studies. We met up to clear the air and it felt like no time had passed. We slept together and it was just like before. He told me he loved me and that there hadn’t been anyone else for him.

However, his behaviour towards me seems distant and cold and I feel as though I don’t know where I stand with him.

I would like us to get back together, but he’s giving mixed signals and I don’t want him to think I’m rushing him for a decision.

I’m trying to keep my wits about me and be as level headed as possible, but I’d like confirmation of what we’re actually doing.

I’d rather work on being friends and not invest my emotions into a relationship that isn’t going anywhere if that’s the case. How should I approach this with him?

Coleen says

It sounds like he might have sweettalked you into bed without any intention of it leading to a relationship. But whether he wants more or not, please don’t walk on eggshells around him and worry about ‘rushing him’.

He slept with you and told you he loved you and there had been no one else, so I think it’s fair enough to ask him outright where things stand – is this a relationship or are we just friends?

And add that if you are just friends, then you don’t sleep with your friends. Unless you want to be that ‘friends with benefits’ girl.

Don’t leave all the decisions to him. You did fine when he moved away, so take some control back and don’t jump into bed with him on the odd day when he has nothing better to do.