Should I wait for him while he sleeps around?
Dear Coleen
I’m 20 years old and I met a guy at work who is a year younger than me.
We clicked immediately and I began dating him, but he told me very early on that he didn’t want a relationship because he felt he was too young.
At the time I agreed because I thought we could just see how things went. A year on, we’re working together at the same university and have the same friendship group, and he’s now sleeping around with other girls.
I want to be in a relationship with him because I do see a future and he says he can’t see himself marrying anyone else but me.
I’ve stopped seeing him, though, because of these other girls, but he tells me he loves me every day and even cries when I tell him I’m considering cutting him off and begs me not to.
Shall I keep him in my life or shall I just move on? I don’t know if he’ll ever change and want to settle down or if he’ll keep breaking my heart by sleeping with numerous girls.
Coleen says
Move on. He might change, but he’s only 19 so he might stay the same until he’s 30 and decides he wants to settle down. On the positive side, at least he’s been honest from the outset about not wanting a relationship, so you can’t really have a go at him for that.
He hasn’t fed you a line and promised you something he has no intention of delivering on.
However, that doesn’t mean you should let him have his cake and eat it while you put your life on hold to let him make up his mind.
These are some of the best years of your life and you certainly shouldn’t be wasting them, hanging around for some guy to decide what he wants.
It sounds to me as if he wants to keep you around as a kind of insurance policy in case there’s no one else who takes his fancy. You never know, he could be crying and begging these other girls he’s seeing, too.
So, I think you absolutely need to move on from him and, if in the future you meet up and he’s ready for commitment, then you could try again if you’re still keen and haven’t met someone else.
But please, don’t make your life stand still, hoping he’ll suddenly change his ways. Or at least have the same attitude as him and date other people while you have this nonexclusive arrangement. This is your life, so take the control back.