PERFECT GIRL WON’T DITCH ONLINE LOVER

Dear Coleen

I’m a 32-year-old man and for several months I’ve been seeing a girl of 21 I met at the gym. She’s the most incredible woman I’ve ever come across and I love spending time with her.

However, she told me from the start that she can’t commit to me fully. For the past year she’s been in contact with a man in Canada whom she met online.

They’ve met twice in person and the aim is to try to meet up every few months. They also talk via Snapchat or Skype daily.

She says they’re in love but in an open relationship because of the distance. She stopped seeing the other men she’d been hooking up with when we started dating but refuses to cut off her Canadian man. If I bring it up, she just says if I don’t like it I should walk away.

I don’t like it but I adore her and she obviously has some feelings for me as she stopped seeing these other men. The last thing I want is to end things with her, but I don’t see the point in continuing if we clearly have no future. Any ideas?

Coleen says

It’s down to what you’re willing to put up with because she’s been honest, whether you think it’s fair or not.

While you accept the situation, I don’t think anything is likely to change. You could tell her you don’t want to see her for a while because you don’t know if you can handle the arrangement and need to think it over, and see how she reacts. But you have to mean it.

As much as you love her, you can’t force her to feel the same. Sometimes you have to think of your own long-term happiness. Would you be truly happy always wanting more and always feeling second best?

Yes, it’ll hurt in the short term if you do split up but you will eventually get over it.