MUM REFUSES TO SUPPORT ME OVER UNI

Dear Coleen

I am an 18-year-old girl living with my mum. I am considering university, but I feel she has never been supportive. I have never been that academic, but I got offers from all the universities I applied for.

I was so excited to tell her, but she didn’t even congratulate me.

I was confused as my friends and their parents seemed so happy for me. She has never really wanted me to go. She’s worried I’ll regret it, like she did, but I’ve told her I need to find out for myself. When I try to discuss it she gets annoyed, shrugs and says “Whatever”. She’s also going through menopause. Am I making too much of a fuss?

Coleen says

I think she might also be terrified of losing you, but she doesn’t want to admit that, so this is her way of handling it.

I get that feeling – it’s hard when your kids grow up and leave the nest. And if it’s happening while she’s in menopause when things are physically and mentally challenging then, yes, it will be extra hard for her. She might even feel a little bit jealous and be worried about money implications.

But maybe she just needs reassurance from you. Explain it won’t be the same without her support. And tell her you’ll still be home at weekends (with your washing, no doubt). It sounds like she’s not being honest about her feelings. Encourage her to tell you how she really feels and hopefully you’ll find a way through.