The way we wed
HOW MARRIAGE HAS CHANGED
The typical wedding has altered dramatically in the 70 years since the Queen and Prince Philip said “One does” in what has become the longest lasting royal partnership in history.
As the London Mint Office brings out a commemorative coin to mark the anniversary of their 1947 marriage, a poll of 2,000 people illustrates how weddings has evolved for the rest of us.
We look at some of the big changes in the big day.
WHO PAYS THE BRIDAL BILL
Back in the day it would be tradition for the bride’s parents to pay, but only 17% of 18 to 34-year-olds now say their parents foot the bill.
Barbara Bloomfield, at counselling service Relate for 22 years, says: “Not feeling pressured into doing things a certain way by your parents is a really good step.
“If you want to be traditional, great, but if you don’t want to be, don’t feel guilty about doing it your own way. Seventy years ago you would have done it your parents’ way, the way your family told you to do it, and now people are making their own choices.”
POPPING THE QUESTION
Asking the father of the bride is falling out of favour.
Historically, men asked his permission before they popped the question.
How times have changed.
Only 30% of the young married couples polled followed that convention.
DOOMED TO DIVORCE
Men are more prepared to chip in with household chores and that’s saving marriages from divorce.
Some 53% of those polled said not fighting over who is doing the dishes or the laundry was one of the key ways couples keep their marriages together.
Barbara says attitudes towards the roles played by men and women within a marriage have changed for the better.
“Who does what chore isn’t as big a deal as it was 30 years ago.
“The tasks are much more even now that more women go out to work and hold down big jobs with big salaries. More men have stepped up to helping out. Equality is taking strides forward.”
WHAT’S IN A NAME?
The tradition of women taking their husband’s name is changing, with 72% of young brides doing so, compared with 97% aged 55 or over. Double-barrelling names has become more popular.
One in 10 men aged 18 to 34 now takes their wife’s surname – unheard of 70 years ago. Barbara says: “Any movement towards equality is good news.
“However, surnames come from fathers so it’s still patriarchal, so I wonder how much it really means.”
She jokes: “I’m not sure if there is an element of people thinking having a double-barrelled named sounds posher.”
NICE DAY FOR A WHITE WEDDING?
Only 37% of 18 to 34-year-olds opt for a big white wedding.
What seems to have become a priority are photographs and preparations for a the day, a reflection of how society is much more image-conscious because of social media.
Some 36% of young people cite hair and make-up as important, while just 6% of older couples did so. Barbara says: “Greater choice and variety in the way we get married can be a great thing in making people happy.”
MONOGAMY IS DEAD
Only a third of British people believe monogamy is the secret to a long-lasting marriage. And Barbara pins the blame for the unusually low figure on men. She says: “Men tend to be more comfortable with open relationships than women, because men compartmentalise more easily – work is work, family time is family time and sex is sex. Women tend to be more holistic.” But she isn’t surprised that couples don’t rate sex at the top of the list for making marriages last. “When we have carried out surveys at Relate, sex is also not at the top. A lot of relationships are about companionship. Quite often you find with relationships that have lasted a long time, sex stops and neither party is too bothered about it. “When you are a great team the sex isn’t as important as when you were 20.”
NORTH-SOUTH LOVE DIVIDE
A huge 70% of Brits think laughing away your problems is essential to keeping a marriage ticking over.
Women value a shared a sense of humour slightly more than men do, at 77% versus 63%.
Londoners are less light-hearted than the Scots. Only 58% of couples in the capital think laughter will solve a problem, compared with 78% in Glasgow.
Barbara says humour is vital. “When you are down you want your partner to give you a cuddle and jokily tell you everything will be alright tomorrow.
“To be able to lighten the mood is a wonderful gift.”
IT’S IN HIS (OR HER) KISS
Physical contact, simply a kiss a day, helps ensure a long and happy marriage say 27% of people.
And if you want a kiss a day, Liverpool is the city to be, say 41% of people there. In Sheffield couples are the least likely to kiss and make up with only 17% enjoying such contact daily.
“Physical contact is the way lots of couples repair the bad times” says Barbara. “If you have an argument and make up it brings you closer. Without it, it can be hard to make your bond stronger.”
KIDS OPTIONAL
Having children has traditionally been seen as the cornerstone of a marriage – but now more prefer to relish each others’ company.
Just 18% say kids are a prerequisite for a long, happy relationship. The South East is least interested.