PARENTS DON’T KNOW I’M GAY

Dear Coleen

I’m a 35-year-old woman and a lesbian, although I have not come out to my family.

I’ve always had good male friends who I’ve introduced as boyfriends over the years, but I’ve got to the point where I don’t want to do it any more.

I’ve met someone really special and I want her to move in with me. The trouble is, my parents are so conservative and they would be very shocked, and I’ve no idea how it would affect things afterwards. I have two older brothers and a sister, who are also very straight and are married with kids. Any suggestions?

Coleen says

It’s great you’ve met someone who you feel you want to come out for because you see the relationship going further. Look, there’s no easy way to do it, but you’re a woman in your 30s who knows her own mind, so take some strength from that.

Like I always say, your parents might not initially go, “Ah, great, let’s have a party!”

But although they might be a bit shocked, they may just need some time to process it.

And just because your siblings are conservative themselves doesn’t mean their minds are closed and won’t be accepting.

In terms of telling them, I think you should do it in whatever way will be easier for you and for them – that might be face to face or on the phone.

You could even send an email and follow it by meeting up with them. My family is pretty straight, too, but if one of us came out I know everyone would be absolutely fine with it and be supportive.

But I think you have to expect your parents will be surprised if you’ve seemingly had loads of boyfriends in the past.

It sounds to me like you’ve got to a point where you don’t want to live with a secret any more and sometimes you have to put your own happiness first.

And, if your family don’t respond in the way you want them to, ultimately it’s your life and you should be able to live it as you wish.