My wife died before having the baby we dreamed of... now a surrogate is to carry our child
AS Jake Coates described the bravery, selflessness and optimism shown by his terminally ill wife Emmy, there was barely a dry eye in the Pride of Britain audience.
Sadly Emmy died in June, 18 months after being diagnosed with thyroid cancer and before she had the chance to realise her dream of becoming a mother.
But Jake has revealed he is planning to have the baby they had so desperately wanted, thanks to a surrogate.
“Having a part of Emmy would be the best thing ever,” he says. “I know how much she wanted to be a mum.”
Before her death, doctors harvested her eggs and Jake’s sperm and they were left with nine viable embryos.
This month surrogate Liz Begg – an ex-schoolmate – will have embryos implanted after a first attempt failed.
Jake reveals Emmy, 31, died believing she would be a mum as Liz had become pregnant after the initial procedure.
“Neither of us had ever felt a feeling like it – it was incredible,” says Jake, 32.
Hours after learning the news Emmy fell into a sleep she never fully woke from. But, heartbreakingly, the pregnancy was later found to be ectopic – the baby could not survive.
Jake, of Monmouth in south east Wales, imagines his wife cradling that baby in heaven. “I talk to Emmy every day. I like to think she’s looking down, checking in. That’s why I want to do her so proud.”
The couple met when they were 11 and by 13 Jake told his crush she was his “lobster” - they mate for life. They did split when they went to university but reunited a decade later and by 2016 he was planning to propose in the Philippines on a cliff with fireworks. But Jake, now a doctor, found a lump in her neck and, the day before they were due to travel, they learned her cancer had spread and was incurable.
“Emmy was my missing piece” says
Having a part of Emmy would be the best thing ever JAKE COATES ON HIS HOPE OF BECOMING A DAD
Jake. “Even before the diagnosis, we knew we’d be together for ever.”
She spent her final year having chemotherapy, planning their wedding in September last year, fundraising for The Royal Marsden Hospital in London with a 2,000km tandem bike ride in Europe and writing children’s books they sold through their online business, Mollivers.
They have raised more than £140,000, with Jake being named ITV Fundraiser of the Year at the Daily Mirror Pride of Britain Awards, in partnership with TSB.
E“On our first day at The Royal Marsden in April last year we talked over options.
“Emmy wouldn’t be able to carry a child on chemotherapy as it would be harmful to any foetus,” he says. “Even though symptom-wise she was at her worst, the prospect of being able to store embryos kept her going initially.” mmy started a blog detailing her story. “After that 10 people offered to be a surrogate,” says Jake. One of them was Liz, 32, of Hereford. “I didn’t really know them at school but I wanted to help. I have one son but I’m single,” says Liz. “Emmy was an incredible person, so positive and gracious.” Three weeks after the first implantation in February they excitedly watched as pregnancy tests turned positive. But less than an hour later Emmy could barely open her eyes.
“The tank was empty. She never fully woke up,” he says.
And Emmy realised she would never hold her child during the final trip home from hospital.
“She said, ‘I’m not going to see my baby, am I?’” he recalls. “I lied and said, ‘Oh, you never know,’ before she fell asleep.”
She was unconscious for most of the last two weeks but in the middle she woke up suddenly. “It was like the lights came back on,” Jake says. “She said, ‘Do you think I’m dying?’ It was the worst feeling having to say yes and see her, for the first time, scared and crying.”
But he adds: “She died blissful in the knowledge we were going to have our baby.”
In the week after her death, doctors confirmed Liz was experiencing an ectopic pregnancy.
“I’ll always be grateful Emmy didn’t know,” Jake says. “Up until she died, we were pregnant.”
Now, with six embryos left, Liz says there was “never any doubt” she would give it another shot.
“A part of Emmy can live on,” Liz says. “I was gutted when the pregnancy failed but I like the idea Emmy needed to take that baby with her.” Jake has stopped being a doctor in preparation. “Single dad and doctor doesn’t work,” he says.
He knows one day he may face a tough conversation with their child but he is making videos to pass on what Emmy taught him – to “smile, love and be kind”.
“Having a part of Emmy in the world is all important,” he says. “She’d have been the most incredible mum of all time.”
To donate go to www.justgiving.com/ fundraising/ejtandemonium
Don’t miss the Pride of Britain Awards, next Tuesday, 8pm, ITV.