I DON’T HAVE ANYONE WHO IS MY FRIEND

Dear Coleen

I’m in my fourth year of secondary school and I’m still finding it very difficult to fit in.

I made friends in my first year but they turned out not to be the people I thought they were. They talk about me behind my back and I’m finding it very difficult to deal with.

I don’t feel able to explain how tricky my friendships are to my parents as I don’t think they’ll understand where I’m coming from.

Is it normal to feel like this? I still don’t feel welcome or like I have anyone I can trust.

Coleen says Yes, sadly, I think the whole friendship minefield is pretty normal. I have a teenage daughter, so I can say from experience that friendships change all the time during secondary school.

My daughter Ciara has been through phases where she’s best friends with everyone and other times they’ve all fallen out and gone off with different groups.

Try not to over-think it and get too anxious. You know you’re a nice girl and if a certain group of people have a problem with you, then that’s their problem.

I’ve always told my daughter that if people are going to talk about you behind your back, it’s a flaw in their character and they clearly have nothing positive in their own lives to talk about.

Don’t let it stop you from making friends with other people at school. You could be so focused on this group of ‘friends’ that you’re missing great opportunities for other friendships.

It is difficult when friends drop you for no apparent reason, but as you go through life and people take different paths, you’ll get more used to making new mates.

Perhaps find out if there’s anyone you can talk to – lots of schools have access to a counsellor or someone trained in providing emotional support.

Failing that, speak to a teacher that you trust.