I’m worried my wife is going away for an affair
Dear Coleen
My wife of 20 years turned 50 last year and since then I feel we’ve been growing apart.
I think her big birthday affected her more than she let on and she has been doing things which seem out of character – piercings, changing her look and going out a lot more with a group of mostly younger friends.
She’s always been youthful and still looks 35. She’s a total catch and I’m punching way above my weight. I’m feeling pretty insecure, like I’m not enough for her any more. I’m 45 and we have two children aged 10 and 13.
Her latest thing is that she wants to go abroad during February half term with this group of friends, and I can’t help questioning why she wants to be away from me and the kids.
The school holidays are usually a time we all spend together.
Is she having a mid-life crisis? Is she looking for other men? I don’t want to push her away by coming across as paranoid, but I’m worried about losing her. What’s your take on it?
Coleen says
It’s not uncommon for women (and men) to hit 50 (or thereabouts) and start questioning their life – what
I’ve always been punching way above my weight
they have achieved and if it’s enough. When I turned 50 I definitely had a mini crisis – my kids were older and needed me less and I kind of started to feel a bit redundant. Look, you’ve been married for 20 years and I wouldn’t jump to conclusions about her wanting affairs just because she’s had a couple of piercings and is enjoying a few nights out.
I don’t think there’s anything terrible about her wanting to spend a week with her friends – I bet she hasn’t done anything like that in years because she’s been so focused on being a mum.
Perhaps she is desperate for a bit of fun and, again, what’s so bad about that? It might be nice to miss each other, and really look forward to her coming home at the end of the week.
And I’m sure she’ll really appreciate you stepping in to be there for the kids while she’s away. I think the more you give her a hard time about it, the more you’ll alienate her.
And when she comes back, why not try to inject some more fun and romance into your relationship to bring you closer together? It’s easy to get into a rut when you’ve been together a long time, but it only takes a little effort to get out of it again.