CAN I REJECT MAID’S ROLE AT WEDDING?

Dear Coleen

My brother is getting married in July and he’s told me his fiancee would like me to be her maid of honour. Here’s the problem: not only do I not know her that well, but I don’t really warm to her either and we’d never be friends if my brother wasn’t engaged to her.

She’s not a bad person, but we’re just very different and I’m not sure she’s the right match for my brother. She’s very straight (a bit boring) and is all about planning and rules and so on, while he’s really laid back and a bit of a free spirit.

Is she just asking me because she thinks she should? And can I say no without causing a huge family rift? Please help.

Coleen says

I don’t know why she’s asking you. I imagine because, whatever you think of her, she really likes and respects you and wants you to have an important role on the day.

She probably also thinks you’ll do a great job of helping with some of the arrangements.

If you feel you don’t know her that well, then I understand why you feel a bit awkward about it, but maybe this will bring you closer and you’ll get to know each other better.

It might be fun helping with the arrangements and, if you want to know more about what her tastes are, then ask her bridesmaids and friends to help out.

Of course you’re entitled to say no and could suggest perhaps it might be best to pick someone who knows her better. But I think it’s nice she’s asked you and I think it could be a very positive thing. And, if you accept, why not ask her why she chose you?