Sleighed by Santa and a giraffe’s bad breath from hell
As I stroked the inside of her surprisingly soft thigh, it did occur to me that if Kiri were the sensitive type, she could have jumped on the #metoo bandwagon.
Luckily, rhinos are thick skinned, and I was more in danger of having my arm snapped off should she have decided to lurch against the bars of her enclosure.
We were visiting our local wildlife centre, Marwell Zoo, at the weekend to meet Santa – possibly for the last time ever as my strapping daughter Jesse
(8 is having trouble believing he can fly all over the world in one night.
As a special treat, we also got to meet and feed some of the rarest creatures on Earth – no, not Santa and his elves – but the zoo’s white rhinos and giraffes.
Standing in line at the zoo’s grotto, watching the Head Elf twerking to the sound of children singing Jingle Bells, I said to Jesse: “What do you mean Father Christmas can’t possibly deliver presents to 22 million kids an hour?” Adding: “Such cynicism is really unattractive in one so young. Go and get Mummy another one of those mulled wines…”
My daughter might have been a bit big to really believe in the whole magic of Christmas thing, but I was enjoying myself hugely, possibly due to Mrs Elf’s refreshments counter.
Then I thought sadly how this might be the very last time I would ever get to hear what sweet little children wanted from Santa. “A laptop,” shouted one gravelly voiced tot. “An iPad,” growled another.
Despite the number of hardened toddlers coming to meet him, Santa was on fine comedy form.
“So what do you want for Christmas, young lady?” he chortled.
“Stationery,” said Jesse quite sweetly, considering I know she would literally kill for her own iPad.
“Stationary? Well all you have to do is stand still,” he guffawed.
Luckily, Jesse likes a pun, so she joined in with Santa as he ho-ho-ho’d at his own joke.
Next stop on our tour was the giraffe enclosure, where we were allowed to feed them. It was great meeting Santa, but this was really thrilling.
“I shall always remember this day,” said Jesse dreamily, until a giraffe’s snakelike tongue ripped the bundle of leaves out of her hand.
That’s when we discovered
why giraffes have so few predators in the wild – their unforgettable breath could knock out an elephant!
Santa was on fine form, laughing at all of his own jokes