HE DOESN’T MAKE ME FEEL SEXY

Dear Coleen

I am so bored in my marriage. My husband doesn’t make me feel good about myself or sexy. Whenever we spend time together he just falls asleep.

I don’t know what to do as I’m starting to feel very lonely. I have told him how I feel, but he just says I’m “being daft” and that he does love me. Nothing ever changes, though. I need some advice!

Coleen says

You have to tell him how serious a problem this is for you – that you’re bored, unhappy and don’t feel valued to the point where, if things don’t change, you can’t carry on.

Don’t just say, “I don’t think you love me” because he’s going to just say “of course I do” for a quiet life, and then carry on watching telly. You have to be really clear and specific about what you think is wrong in the marriage and how he’s making you feel. He needs to engage with the conversation so you can look at ways forward.

You don’t say how long you’ve been together, but it could be that he’s in a comfortable rut and he’s stopped making any effort.

It’s not good enough for him to say you’re “being daft” – he needs to prove he loves you and still wants to be in the marriage. Successful, happy relationships require nurturing.

If you can’t find a way forward on your own, then think about relationship counselling (try relate.org.uk).