SOAPS

Rightly or wrongly, I’m a bit of a stickler for tradition when it comes to the soaps at Christmas.

From Emmerdale I want laughs and minor drunken skirmishes. From Corrie I want a schmaltzy warm glow. And from EastEnders I want abject misery and/or death.

Yesterday only one delivered. Emmerdale was far too clever for its own good, while Corrie spent the hour having an identity crisis.

EastEnders though. Wow. What a dramatic ending to a thrilling hour.

Max Branning and his daughters up on the roof of The Queen Vic – which once again provided free access to this dangerous outdoor space.

I won’t burden you with the details of exactly how Abi and Lauren were the ones who ended up falling almost certainly to their deaths.

But for the first time in years EastEnders was top dog on the day.

The key to its success was remembering the casual viewer. You didn’t need to have followed it all year. It was clear there was a bad man – Max – stalking the Square. For a start he was in an evil hoodie, like a cross between a bad undercover drugs cop and Dynamo the magician.

Wisely, EastEnders also got any comedy out of its system last week. Unless you’re about to tell me Max strangling Ian with fairy lights last Thursday wasn’t meant to be funny.

Any casual viewers tuning in for the Northern powerhouses were probably left scratching their heads.

Emmerdale was the worst culprit. Not only did it focus on a storyline – Rob and Aaron – that provokes only rabid fandom or no interest at all, it chose to give it the Groundhog Day dream sequence treatment.

As for Corrie, infrequent observers would have been puzzled to find former pillar of the community Ken Barlow appears to be head of Weatherfield’s newest crime family – Don Barleone I call him.

To be blunt, I don’t really care whether Billy fully survived that accidental fall following his kidnap ordeal – although I would be interested to know how he landed so far from the foot of the cliff edge from which he had plunged.

To be fair, Corrie did come up with the best Christmas present this year – Carla Connor back on the cobbles.

I just wish the writers had taken note of the rallying cry she delivered at lunch: “Cheer up, it’s Christmas.” DREAM XMAS Emmerdale’s Rob