I HATE HOW SHE BINGE DRINKS

Dear Coleen

My wife and I are both in our mid-30s and our friends all think of her as the life and soul of the party. But she always ends up being out of control on nights out and it bothers me.

She doesn’t drink much during the week but when we’re out at weekends she goes the extra mile and drinks to excess. The next morning she always has a hangover from hell and regrets it.

She gets quite down actually, so the whole day is a write-off.

We are going to my dad’s 70th birthday celebrations soon and I’m worried about it because it’s a family do and I know my wife will drink too much and say or do something stupid or outrageous. And she’ll spend all of the next day in bed.

Am I being judgmental? The other thing is, we’re trying for a baby and I’ve told her drinking like this could be stopping conception.

Coleen says

It sounds like you’re more worried about the impact on her health and on your relationship than being judgmental.

Perhaps she relies on alcohol to give her some Dutch courage and to help her relax because she’s not actually that confident. You have to be careful how you approach it, but ask her if she’ll limit her drinking at the party as a favour to you because you want to be able to relax and enjoy your dad’s birthday, and also enjoy the next day without coping with hangovers.

Remind her that she beats herself up the next day – alcohol is a downer, even though you feel great when you’re drinking it.

And try to give her some confidence – tell her she doesn’t need to overdo the booze because she’s got a great personality without it.

Also, why not suggest going on a health drive together to try to improve your chances of conceiving? This could involve cutting back on drink, exercising together, eating better and so on. It’ll help you feel more connected and more of a team.