I really can’t cope with her virtual reality affair
Dear Coleen
I’ve been married to my wife for 12 years. We have two beautiful children and I thought we were very happy – until about a year ago.
As a family we use a gaming chat room, but I found out my wife had been chatting privately to a man who lives halfway across the world.
This went on for a while until I confronted her. She promised it was harmless, but said she would stop if it bothered me.
But a few months later, I found out she had a secret phone and was still in contact with the same man and they had been exchanging explicit messages and pictures.
I have been going out of my way to pay her loads of attention – taking her for weekends away, for example – yet she is still talking to this man.
I’m now paranoid and constantly checking up on her. I’ve lost weight through stress and I’m just so gutted that this is happening to us. I feel like I’m losing my family for a virtual affair.
What do you suggest I do?
Coleen says
I’m surprised you’ve let this go on for a year, while you become more stressed and more unhappy. I can feel the hurt and desperation in your letter.
You have to confront her again and tell her you cannot put up with this situation any longer.
Ask her if she’s willing to risk losing everything for a virtual relationship. You must tell her that if it carries on, you’re done, and you have to mean it.
The problem is, she probably doesn’t believe she’s doing anything really wrong because it’s just messages and pictures, and not a physical relationship. For some reason, people don’t consider this cheating, but it is.
You have to start thinking of yourself as this is really damaging your selfesteem, but you’re still there, putting up with it, so there’s no reason for her to stop.
And please stop pandering to her and taking her on nice holidays.
She needs to be put under some pressure to decide what’s more important to her – this guy or you.