DEAR COLEEN

Dear Coleen

I don’t even like him as a person but am very attracted physically

I’ve been married for two years and love my husband dearly. We both work together but, over the course of the past year, I have developed an attraction to someone else in our office.

When I first started dating my husband we discussed cheating and for both of us it was an absolute no-go area and still is now. I have cut back on how often I speak to this guy I’m attracted to, as my husband rightfully confronted me about it, saying he believed we got along a bit too well.

I have never told this man I’m attracted to him or vice versa (I believe it is mutual, though) and would never openly discuss it with him, but it still causes my husband to worry and, honestly, it annoys me that I think of someone else.

I chose my husband and he chose me, and I shouldn’t be thinking about another man in this way (particularly this man, who I don’t even like that much as I person, but am very attracted to physically). Please help me get over this.

Coleen says

Feeling sexually attracted to someone other than your partner happens to married people, too. You don’t have to act on it and you don’t want to because you love your husband, but it can be unsettling. It’s tricky in your case because you all work together, but all you can do is have as little contact with this other man as your job will allow and turn the focus to your marriage.

You and your husband clearly have a very honest relationship, so open a dialogue about what you can do to feel more connected to each other – are you satisfied sexually?

Have you both stopped making an effort since you got married? Has romance dropped off the agenda?

Every marriage experiences bumps in the road – big or small – at some point, but it’s how you deal with them that makes the difference between a successful, lasting partnership and throwing in the towel. Being honest about your feelings – however painful or awkward – is a good place to start rediscovering and rebuilding.