ALL OUT OF LOVE AFTER 14 YEARS

Dear Coleen

I’ve been with my partner for 14 years – I’m 30 and she is 29 – and we have an 11-year-old son. The problem is, this past year we have grown apart and are basically like brother and sister. We are pretty much living separate lives.

I brought this up in conversation a few months back and she said it was only me who felt like that, so I decided to keep trying in case it was just me.

However, nothing has changed and I’m not sure if it’s because she is comfortable and doesn’t want things to change or whether she’s in denial.

I don’t know how to go about calling an end to it – I will end up the bad guy in my son’s eyes. Any advice would be great.

Coleen says

I feel desperately sorry for you – you’re clearly a thoughtful, kind person and a loving father.

You got together when you were just kids and had your son when you were still teenagers, so in some ways it’s incredible you’ve stayed together this long.

People change so much in that time and you’ve both grown up and become different people.

Maybe your partner does feel the same, but she’s sad and scared too and doesn’t want to face up to it, hoping things will carry on as normal.

But they can’t and she has to face it. She has to know how serious you are – that you’re unhappy and you feel more like siblings than lovers and partners. However much it hurts, you must have that conversation with her.

Before you throw in the towel, why not try relationship counselling to find out if your mind is made up or if there’s a chance of rescuing things? (Visit relate.org.uk).

If you do decide it’s over, then be under no illusions that you’re a good dad and can carry on being a good dad. So long as you both agree to make your son’s wellbeing your priority, you’ll find a way through this.