ASHAMED OF DAUGHTER’S SEEDY AFFAIR

Dear Coleen

My daughter is 24 and I’ve discovered she is in a relationship with a man who is married with a young child.

I found out by accident and I’m disgusted with her. I can’t understand how a woman could ever do that to another woman.

I told her how I felt and that she needs to end this relationship, but she’s so dismissive. She doesn’t think she’s doing anything wrong as she is single and says that his wife and child are “not her problem”.

I know the man and his wife relatively well. Should I tell his wife? I would want to know if I were in her position.

Coleen says

What a difficult position to be in. I understand why you’re angry with your daughter, but I think if you tell the wife it could break your relationship with your daughter and it’ll be hard for her to ever trust you again.

If I were in your shoes, as much as I’d hate what my daughter was doing, I’d want to keep her close and try to tackle it that way.

I’d want her to confide in me and to keep on top of what was going on, and to be there if things went wrong, which they very well might do in your daughter’s case.

Yes, she’s not the one who’s cheating, but help her to see the situation from the wife’s point of view – how would she feel in her shoes? And help her to see that if this man was in love with her and realised his marriage was over, then he’d do the right thing and be honest with his wife.

Why is he having an affair and avoiding the problems in his relationship? Your daughter might have to wake up to the fact that he has no intention of leaving his wife.

Also, speak to this man alone and tell him you know about the affair and ask him to decide what he wants. Even if you’re not the one to blow the whistle, I’m sure it’s only a matter of time before someone else does.