I’m married but can’t stop sleeping with other men
Dear Coleen
I’m very happy with my husband – we’ve been together for three years and have been married for eight months. However, I have a problem that could ruin everything – I have a constant urge to sleep with other men and I’ve cheated on my husband regularly throughout our time together.
It’s getting to the point where I know that if I carry on doing it, it’ll only be a matter of time before he finds out.
The thing is, I love my husband and our sex life is also very good, but I still find myself wanting to sleep with other guys all the time. And I have lots of opportunities because he’s often away with work for several days at a time.
A couple of my good friends know what I’ve been up to and, while they’re loyal and would never tell my husband, they’ve advised me to either get professional help or leave him. They feel bad for him, naturally, and I can tell they’re losing patience with me.
Do you think I need help and why do you think I behave like this when I have a fantastic guy at home?
Coleen says
I think your friends are right and if you really can’t control this urge there’s a high chance you’re a sex addict.
You love your husband and also have a good sex life, so you’re not doing this because you’re looking for a way out of the marriage, or because sex with your husband is non-existent.
It would be a good idea to talk to a psychosexual counsellor. To find a therapist, visit the British Association for Counselling & Psychotherapy (bacp.co.uk).
You could also get in touch with a support group such as Sexaholics Anonymous (sauk.org), which also runs meetings throughout the UK, as well as Skype and conference call meetings. If you’re getting professional help for your problem, then it might make a difference to your husband if he does find out about these other men.
You’ve taken the first important step by writing to me and recognising that you have a problem. Maybe now try avoiding risky situations where you have the opportunity to pick up men.