MY LIFE’S ON HOLD AFTER MY WIFE DIED

Dear Coleen

I seem to be going nowhere since my wife died 18 months ago. I guess on the outside I seem fine to people, but I’m really just going through the motions.

My job has been my saviour – I have a good career and I’m busy all the time, so it’s a great distraction – but my social life is non-existent. I tend to hide away when I’m not at home and my family live 60 miles away, so I’ve pretty much cut myself off from them.

Have you any advice?

Coleen says

I’m very sorry for your loss. It’s only been 18 months since your wife passed away, which isn’t a long time, and you’re still grieving for her. There’s no time limit on grief – people handle it differently – so don’t put too much pressure on yourself.

However, I would recommend you get some professional help. You can speak to your GP and explain how cut off you’re feeling and that emotions are still raw.

Bereavement counselling has helped so many people I know – your GP can refer you or you could find your own counsellor, and I’d suggest getting in touch with Cruse Bereavement Care (cruse.org.uk), which gives excellent support.

And don’t be embarrassed to be honest with family and friends. They can help if you let them know you’re struggling. If you’re giving the impression you’re doing fine, they won’t know you need support.

As for your social life, say yes to everything, even if it’s the last thing you feel like doing. If you do that, at some stage there will be a turning point and you’ll find you’re enjoying yourself. Good luck.