Daily Mirror

Coleen

It hurts me so much but my marriage is over..

- BY RHIAN LUBIN rhian.lubin@mirror.co.uk

MIRROR agony aunt Coleen Nolan today admits she is divorcing her husband of 10 years, Ray Fensome, declaring: “We can’t go back.” The TV star, 52, tells in her column of a “hellish” 12 months and says: “There is too much dividing me and Ray.” Devastated Coleen adds: “I can hardly sit here and keep dishing out advice if I’m not being totally straight about what is going on in my own life.” The pair, together 17 years, got engaged in 2005 and wed two years later. They have a daughter Ciara, 16. Coleen fought for their marriage “with every fibre of my being”. But she says: “Once you know your marriage is truly dead you need to make your peace with that, bury the past and move on. “After 17 years together that’s what I’m about to do.” She continues: “I’ve got tears pouring down my face as I write this. “It’s hard to imagine that so much could have changed from that day when we married. On that day I thought there was nothing that could split us up. “I was convinced we’d grow old together, hobbling to the Post Office to collect our pensions. But a decade on and it’s now clear I was wrong.” Coleen, who found fame with family pop group The Nolans, had hoped she and guitarist Ray, 60, could work through their problems. The mum of three says: “For the last couple of years I’ve got up in the morning hoping desperatel­y everything would be alright. Now I have to admit it’s not going to be alright.”

Coleen admitted in 2016 that they were going through difficulti­es. She said at the time: “We’re going to do a lot of talking over the next couple of weeks, but if we can’t fix it then I want us to have counsellin­g. The next step is a trial separation.”

She also spoke of marriage trouble while in the Celebrity Big Brother house in January 2017. She said in the diary room: “I came in here when my marriage wasn’t great, really not great. I think we needed a break, we needed to be apart.”

The Loose Women panellist now tells how it was “all I thought about” on the show, which she won, adding: “We were already in trouble then. Sadly, even having time out to think wasn’t enough to save us.”

Coleen, who has sons Shane Jnr, 29, and Jake, 25, from her past marriage to EastEnders actor Shane Richie, praises her children for their backing.

She says: “My beautiful kids have all been unbelievab­ly supportive and understand­ing. I want to show marriages can break down without families breaking down. So long as you’re honest.”

Coleen previously told how turning 50 hit her self-confidence and left her feeling vulnerable in her marriage.

She said: “I suddenly felt invisible as a woman and was looking for reassuranc­e from Ray. Six months ago I said to him, ‘I don’t feel like you fancy me any more’.

“I was totally devastated when he said, ‘The thing is, men are visual’.”

I thought we’d be hobbling together to collect our pensions, but I was wrong

COLEEN NOLAN ON HER VISION OF FUTURE ON WEDDING DAY

Dear all

For the last eight years I have been honoured to read your letters to this page and try to help readers work out what’s the best thing to do in a time of trouble.

Most days there is at least one letter from someone hurt, angry or frightened that their marriage is breaking down. Splitting with a partner who you’ve shared a life and home with – and who you’ve brought up kids with – is possibly the hardest thing you’ll ever do.

And that’s why I always advise people who write to me about a failing marriage to never throw in the towel unless there is absolutely no other option.

I always suggest they talk to each other, try counsellin­g and take some time apart to think things through. But sometimes, after all that, the reality is that a marriage just can’t be saved.

A division grows so deeply between a couple that nothing can pull them back together. And then – for everyone’s sake – there is no alternativ­e.

You have to face facts and accept the marriage is over. And that, I’m afraid readers, is where I am today.

Me and my husband Ray are divorcing. I wanted to tell you first as I can hardly sit here and keep dishing out advice if I’m not being totally straight about what is going on in my own life. I’ve got tears pouring down my face as I write this. It’s hard to imagine that so much could have changed from that day in 2008 when we married.

On that day, I thought there was nothing that could split us up. I was convinced we’d grow old together, hobbling to the post office to collect our pensions.

But a decade on and it’s now clear I was wrong. There is too much dividing me and Ray. We can’t go back. And my future is going to be very different to the one I’d imagined back then.

And I guess that’s what makes me sad. But, slowly, as I come to terms

I fought with every fibre of my being, but it’s over...

with the reality of it all, it’s making me excited too. As I’ve written a million times before – women who’ve tried everything to fix a marriage but still feel desperatel­y unhappy, have to get out.

We owe it to ourselves. And we also owe it to our kids to show them that everyone has a right to be happy.

My beautiful kids, Shane Jnr, Jake and Ciara – my daughter with Ray – have all been unbelievab­ly supportive and understand­ing.

I want to show marriages can break down without families breaking down to – so long as you’re honest. The last 12 months have been pretty hellish. I’ve been honest on Loose Women for a while that Ray and I have been having problems and it’s all I thought about in the Big Brother house.

That was tough, even when I won, because I was so hoping that time spent apart while I was in the house would help us get our marriage back on track. We were already in trouble then and, sadly, even having time out to think wasn’t enough to save us.

So for the last couple of years I’ve got up in the morning hoping desperatel­y everything would be alright.

Now I have to admit it’s not going to be alright.

Or maybe it is – just in a very different way to how I’d once imagined.

I just need to take a bit of my own advice which I’ve written here so many times, like when I’ve said, “You’ve given it everything and eventually you just have to accept its over. You haven’t failed, you have fought but you can’t do any more”.

And I have fought, with every fibre of my being.

But I deserve to be happy. Everyone does. And once you know your marriage is truly dead you need to make your peace with that, bury the past and move on. After 17 years together that’s what I’m about to do.

Wish me luck in my new chapter.

Love, Coleen x

 ??  ?? SPLITTING Ray Fensome and Coleen Nolan
SPLITTING Ray Fensome and Coleen Nolan
 ??  ?? SOULMATES In 2005, year the pair got engaged
SOULMATES In 2005, year the pair got engaged
 ??  ?? UNHAPPY In Celebrity Big Brother diary room last year
UNHAPPY In Celebrity Big Brother diary room last year
 ??  ?? DEVASTATED Coleen Nolan and, inset, with husband Ray
DEVASTATED Coleen Nolan and, inset, with husband Ray
 ??  ?? THE WAY WE WERE With Ray in happier times
THE WAY WE WERE With Ray in happier times

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