Cheddar Man’s hard cheese for far right
He backs up the fact we are all from Africa – all immigrants
THE facial reconstruction of Britain’s oldest known resident, Cheddar Man, leaves many unanswered questions.
Does that close-shaven complexion tell us they were extremely rich 10,000 years ago, as today’s men need to take out a second mortgage to afford a fourpack of Gillette Fusion ProGlides?
Do we know how narrowly he escaped becoming Joan Collins’ first hubby? And if the result had been announced live by Jeremy Kyle to Britain First’s leaders, would it have been the greatest ever piece of television?
KYLE: “OK guys, the reconstruction from the DNA results is in... and I can tell you that the oldest known Briton had the kind of piercing blue eyes last seen in Hitler Youth films.”
Cue raised arm saluting and Jayda Fransen screaming “What more proof do you need that whites are this nation’s one, true indigenous people?” as the audience breaks into chants of “there ain’t no black in the Union Jack, send the buggers back”.
KYLE: “Oh, and one other small thing – his skin was black. Yes, the first known Brit was a Middle Eastern immigrant of African heritage.”
You don’t need to guess how the audience would have reacted as it was all over the comments section of news sites and social media this week: “How can you tell someone’s colour by their bones?... it’s the liberal elite pushing their mixed race agenda... maybe he was a traveller... I thought we’d decided there’s no such thing as experts now.”
Cheddar Man is the savoury filling in a delicious Hope Not Hate sandwich. The juiciest irony being he lived next to the Somerset constituency of the MP everyone believes is the oldest known Englishman, Jacob Rees-Mogg.
The anti-immigration poster boy who the Mirror recently exposed as attending a dinner held by far-right group Traditional Britain, where the host talked of deporting non-whites to their “natural homelands”. Cheddar Man obliterates the
racist’s notion of traditional Britain, proving that since humans walked the Earth they have headed to this island for a better life. Fransen’s grand-parents were Dutch and Nigel Farage’s ancestors were Huguenot refugees. My grandad was Italian which is why, when I hit the sun, I turn brown in minutes.
If I didn’t have so much Irish blood, after a week in Majorca, I’d look like Cheddar Man myself.
This discovery backs up what UNESCO stated in 1950, after a vast amount of research, that there is no gene, or cluster of genes, common to all blacks or all whites. That all human beings belong to the same species and the notion of different races is not a biological reality.
He is proof that racism, Britain’s greatest social problem since mass postwar immigration from Commonwealth countries, is all based on a myth.
That a hatred of different-looking people is whipped up by inadequate, twisted humans like Adolf Hitler, to serve their own agenda.
Cheddar Man backs up what experts have known for decades, that every one of us comes originally from somewhere in Africa, and we are all immigrants.
The next time fascist inbreds march through my city talking about protecting the purity of the British race I might just hold up a big picture of him and laugh loudly in their faces.
Or maybe, when they chant about banishing the non-indigenous, nondesirable elements of our population, a big mirror.