UNSURE WHY SHE WANTS TO LEAVE ME

Dear Coleen

I’ve been separated from my wife for three months and I’m missing her a great deal.

It was her decision for us to take time apart – she said she needed a break but doesn’t want to talk about it. Initially, I was worried she was seeing someone else, but she insists there’s nobody on the scene.

As well as missing her, I worry about how it’s affecting our sevenyear-old daughter. Although I see her every week as much as possible, she seems quiet, withdrawn and must be very confused.

My wife says she still loves me, but that she doesn’t want to live with me right now and needs time to “sort her head out”. But she won’t be any more specific, which is frustrating.

Coleen says

The good thing is, there’s no one else involved and she says she still loves you, which hopefully means it’s just a temporary situation.

It’s good that you’re seeing so much of your daughter, but it sounds like she needs reassurance. I definitely think you need to have a conversation with your wife about how to talk to her.

I understand your frustration because your wife’s reasons are a bit vague. Maybe she’s having a bit of an identity crisis.

But, rather than nag her, tell her you’ll give her space, but you’d also like her to be honest about her reasons – you need to know the truth, even if it might hurt you.

This might make her realise how much she does miss you and being together. You don’t appreciate what you have until it’s not there. And if she suggests a reunion, I’d recommend couples’ therapy to help you talk about what went wrong (relate.org.uk). Good luck.