Mum’s the swearword

Midwives are being instructed on words to avoid upsetting mums in labour. It’s a whole new lexicon of labour. So instead of saying “good girl” to mum they’re instructed to say: “You’re doing really well.” And “failure to progress” becomes “slow labour”. The intention is to “empower all women”. In which case I have some far better suggestions. Instead of changing “painful contractions” to “strong contractions” it should simply be: “Never a-f***ing-gain”. And rather than changing “big baby” to “healthy baby”, how about “Never, ever a-f***inggain”?