HE HATES THAT I’M NOT A VIRGIN

Dear Coleen

My boyfriend and I are 20 and have been together for almost a year. We slept together for the first time after four months. It was his first time, but I’d been with two other men in the past.

I was totally up front about this – he knew within the first couple weeks of the relationship that I wasn’t a virgin. However, recently he’s made me feel awful about it. He keeps saying that he always wanted to be with one girl, and for her to only have been with him.

He knew from the start that it wouldn’t be like that with me.

He also said he wanted to wait until marriage before having sex but, because I wasn’t a virgin, he thought I’d leave him if we didn’t make love. He didn’t discuss any of this with me beforehand. I wouldn’t have slept with him if I knew he wanted to wait.

What can I do? I’ve started getting cold feet about the relationship, but now I’d feel really awful if I ended things.

Coleen says

Why do you feel awful? He’s the one who is behaving unreasonably. You have nothing to feel guilty about. He was well aware of the situation before you slept together; now all of a sudden he’s bothered about it all.

He certainly wasn’t when he slept with you and he needs to learn that, in life, you can’t have your cake and eat it, too.

He shouldn’t be making you feel bad about it and you shouldn’t be ashamed of sleeping with other men in the past.

This is his issue to wrestle with and you don’t have to justify yourself or feel like a bad person.

And if you want to end the relationship, then do it.

Why be with someone who makes you feel this bad about yourself?