HOW COULD MY DAUGHTER DUMP KIDS?

Dear Coleen

I’m thoroughly disgusted and disappointed with my eldest daughter’s behaviour. She was always flighty and impulsive, and throughout her 20s she had issues with drinking, not working and going out with unsuitable men.

But at 28 she met and married a lovely man and they went on to have three children. I stopped worrying about her for the first time in years and felt happy that at long last she was settled.

Now she’s left her husband and her three children to be with a fellow parent at the local school. She’s said her husband can have custody of their children and she wants to move away to a new area to start afresh.

I can’t believe she could dump her children like this. I’m not sleeping and keep arguing with her on the phone about what a terrible mother she is. I’m also terrified I’ll lose touch with my grandchildren.

Coleen says

I don’t know how she could do this, but she’s not the first mother to do it and sadly she won’t be the last. You’re worrying about so many things right now, but you need to break it down into small chunks.

Firstly, your grandchildren. Your son-in-law sounds like a lovely, reasonable man so I don’t think you need to worry about that. Be there for him because he’s going to need you a lot in the coming years. They’ve lost their mum so he’s not going to want them to lose their grandparents too.

As for your daughter, as much as she’s disappointed you she’s still your daughter. So rather than shout at her and fall out, I think all you can do is say to her, “Look, I still love you and I’m here for you. I don’t condone what you’ve done, but you’re still our daughter and we love you.”