CAN’T ACCEPT HE’S REMARRYING

Dear Coleen

My older sister died two years ago, leaving behind two young children, and our whole family was and still are devastated.

We were all very close to her husband. But eight months after my sister’s death he started seeing an old school friend of his and my sister’s, and now she’s pregnant and they’re getting married after the baby is born.

They’ve invited us to the wedding but my parents and I don’t know whether to go. It feels like a betrayal to my sister and we can’t believe he has got over her so quickly. But their children will be there, who are my nieces and nephews, and my children’s cousins.

After the heartache we’ve all been through we don’t want to have a huge family fall out. But we’re finding it very hard to accept this new relationship. Are we being unreasonable?

Coleen says Nobody is in the right and nobody is in the wrong.

Your pain is still very raw so I can understand why you’re feeling this way. But grief is different for everybody. No two people grieve the same way and there is no time limit. I think I grieved more for my mother two years after her death than in the weeks and months that followed it.

My own sister Bernie died so I have some idea of what you’re going through. Her husband is in a relationship now and I’m just so happy for him that he’s found somebody who puts a smile on his face. I wouldn’t like to think of him sat at home alone, dealing with his grief. Life has to go on.

It doesn’t mean you forget the person you’ve lost. So this new relationship doesn’t mean your brother-in-law is over her and of course he never wanted it to be like this. So please don’t fall out over this as you have all been through so much pain already.

Emotions run so high but try to accept we all grieve differently.