PUPPY LOVE’S BARKING MAD

An academic study has shown that adults who speak to their dogs in baby language are more likey to be loved by their pets. As someone who hears his wife most hours of the day say to our dozy, ageing labrador in high-pitched tones: “Who’s a goody-woody boy, den? Yes you arrrrr. Yes you arrrrrrrrr...” can I tell the academics what their report left out? That when partners of adults who speak to their pooches in baby language hear those high-pitched tones they want to hang them by a dog lead from the ceiling, like a mobile in a nursery, until they promise never to speak that way again. Or is it just me?