PAL’S WED TO OBNOXIOUS RUDE BLOKE

Dear Coleen

I am very concerned about my friend who recently got married. I think it all happened too quickly as she’d never been in a proper relationship, but my real issue is with the man she married.

He is one of the most obnoxious people I’ve ever met. Every time I see him, he makes digs. For example, one of my friends remarked how cute my daughter is, to which he replied he “had seen cuter”. Then his wife – my friend – agreed and they joked about it!

She does whatever he says and pays for everything as he doesn’t have a job and isn’t trying to find one. She can’t even go to the toilet without him accompanying her and she thinks it’s normal!

I am trying to bite my lip, so I don’t make it awkward for her, but he seems so controlling. How do I even approach this with her?

Coleen says

He does sound obnoxious and controlling, and clearly thinks he’s a bit of a comedian, too.

What worries me is the fact she can’t go to the loo on her own. She comes across as quite naïve and vulnerable, and perhaps she does believe this is normal behaviour when you’re in a relationship.

The trouble is, she’s newly married and in love, and wants to spend all her time with him, so she’ll be blind to these signs you’ve picked up on. But it doesn’t mean that you have to put up with this guy and his rudeness.

The way to approach it is to say to her, “I love you, you’re an incredible friend and I’ll always be here for you, but I’d rather not be in his company”.

If she values your friendship, it’s up to her to assert herself if he says she can’t see friends on her own.