BBC’s Beale of misfortune

Strange to see BBC Breakfast grand inquisitor Dan Walker asking the boss of Coronation Street to explain where Weatherfield’s fun has gone.

Has Dan watched the BBC’s own flagship soap lately? Or ever. In EastEnders, the last time anyone had fun, Phil Mitchell had a 6in quiff.

Last night’s wheel of misfortune meant there was little joy where Ian Beale was concerned. Well, that is unless you are one of those people who delights in Ian being ritually humiliated, i.e. an EastEnders scriptwriter.

Ian’s latest reinvention appears to have come courtesy of Oh Yes You Will, a self-help book presumably BATTLER Ian Beale written by a big panto fan. It has convinced Ian he can make something happen if he wills it hard enough.

One big target is marrying E20’s most beautiful woman Mel Owen again, another is getting a big laugh at the Queen Vic’s comedy night.

A betting man would say there’s no chance of the former, while his best hope of the latter is probably to walk onstage and reveal the former.

In other misery news, Patrick ran out of milk. If you don’t think that’s serious, just try drinking black tea first thing in the morning. Exactly.