SHE NEGLECTS DAD TO HELP MY BROTHER

Dear Coleen

My mum and dad have been married for 22 years. They have always had a very strong marriage, and I’ve always thought of them as best friends. However, in the last year, my mum has started to neglect my dad to focus all her attention on my brother’s career.

I am extremely close to my dad and was devastated when he admitted to me a month ago that he’s unhappy because my mum doesn’t want to spend any time with him. He’s dreading the day I move out because he’ll be left with two family members who ignore him.

Also, my mum says she never has time to help me with my flat or go out for coffee because she’s always with my brother, so I’m getting a raw deal, too.

I don’t know what to do, but I want to help my dad be happy again.

Coleen says

First of all, every marriage goes through difficult times, so it’s not hopeless – it’s about how you deal with those blips.

It sounds as if your parents have a strong foundation, so it’s about your dad being honest with your mum as to how he feels and talking about ways to reconnect.

But it’s really up to them to sort it out – you can’t do it for them. Perhaps encourage your dad to talk to her and maybe even have a quiet word with your brother and tell him about your worries.

He might be so wrapped up in himself that he hasn’t stopped to think about the impact on the rest of the family.

When it comes to your relationship with your mum, don’t be fobbed off and don’t dance around the houses when it comes to how you really feel.

Tell her you miss spending time with her and you need her, too. Often people just need a bit of a wake-up call that they’re neglecting important areas of their life.