Takeaway Ant and this is what’s left...
THE only person who can help Ant McPartlin is Ant McPartlin. So instead let’s focus on the areas where we can perhaps offer some assistance – namely, finding his temporary replacement.
It’s Showbiz 101 that the show must go on, and when it comes to Saturday Night Takeaway the rule becomes pretty much legally binding. If it had been cancelled for more than a week, the effect on national morale would have been devastating.
Although it’s brave of Dec to offer to fly solo, seeing an empty space next to him instead of a co-host is only going to make Ant’s absence more noticeable, and sad.
The most important thing is that everything feels as safe and normal as possible. So here are a few suggestions of stand-ins who could help that be achieved:
The Stars of Love Island – Bants and Dec. Donald Trump – Bouffant and Dec. A TV legend via seance, which would surely get the viewers in – Brian Cant and Dec. An old Doctor Who – David Tennant and Dec. Mary Archer – Fragrant and Dec. Dec’s PA – Assistant and Dec. Simon Cowell – Arrogant and Dec. Someone really far away – Distant and Dec. Peter Crouch – Giant and Dec. A Teenage Ninja Turtle – Mutant and Dec. A branch of Nando’s Restaurant and Dec. Groot from Gardens Of The Galaxy – Plant and Dec. A kid who should be at school – Truant and Dec. The Ear, Nose and Throat Department of a local hospital – ENT and Dec. Not Jeremy Clarkson – Chris Tarrant and Dec. Del and Rodney’s motor – Robin Reliant and Dec. Someone who should be in court – Defendant and Dec. Any member of the TOWIE cast Vacant and Dec. Some Prozac – Antidepressant and Dec. Kim Jong Un – Tyrant and Dec. Chicago West – Infant and Dec. Derek Acorah – Clairvoyant and Dec. A line that isn’t straight – Slant and Dec. Someone out of the office – Stephen Merchant and Dec. Someone to annoy Nigel Farage – Migrant and Dec. Khloe Kardashian – Pregnant and Dec. Some WD40 – Lubricant and Dec. Nelly – Elephant and Dec. The front of Katie Price – Implants and Dec. Alfred from Batman – manservant and Dec. Someone who doesn’t let anyone else get a word in – Dominant and Dec. A bottle of Dettol – Disinfectant and Dec. Leonardo DiCaprio – The Revenant and Dec. Or, failing that, they could just ask Stephen Mulhern.