Spare tyre on the way and it won’t be Mini...
“Do you have a spare tyre?” a tall dark handsome man asked me at the weekend. Sadly, my knight in shining hi-vis armour was more interested in big ends than my well-covered lady parts.
“Funny, you should ask that,” I said, rummaging around in my Mini’s boot and chucking various non-wheel-shaped objects out on to the snowy verge.
“But I’ve been looking in the place where a spare tyre should be… and all I’ve found so far is a black flappy sun visor and a bunch of Meccano tools,” I
added, no doubt impressing the AA patrolman with my inexhaustible automotive knowledge.
He raised an eyebrow and then asked, slightly wearily: “And do you have your locking wheel nut?”
“My what?” I shrugged, my know-how already exhausted.
I’d been driving along and singing at the top of my voice to Sinatra’s New York, New York on the radio and ignoring my daughter Jesse’s pleas for mercy, when a loud graunching noise that wasn’t me filled the car. Seconds later I lost control and we swerved a few times before I was able to pull off the busy A31 in Hampshire.
Jumping out of the car, I ran around to inspect the wheels and, sure enough, my rear nearside tyre was hanging off the alloy in tatters.
“What’s happened, mummy?” Jesse asked, almost looking up from her iPod.
“Flat tyre. Clearly our car isn’t a music lover,” I said as I stomped the snow off my inappropriate footwear and hopped back in the warm car.
“How long will it take to fix? I’ve only got two bars left,” asked Jesse, checking her battery.
“Well, I calculate that even if we put all our survival training into action and our devices on battery saver mode, we would last about… oooh… 3.2 seconds outside this car. I’d better call the AA,” I replied.
Luckily, we didn’t have to drink our own urine because the AA van
Luckily we didn’t have to drink our own urine as the AA turned up
turned up before I’d put the phone down.
Our rescuer fitted the car with his spare and we eventually limped back home.
But before he rode off on his yellow charger, he said: “Get yourself a spare tyre and keep it somewhere safe.”
Taking his advice, I dug out the home delivery menus. “If this Mini Beast from the East lasts much longer,” I said to Jesse