SON’S WIFE MAKES ME UNCOMFY

Dear Coleen

Recently, I noticed my daughterin-law and her dad whispering about me and since then I have been watchful and uncomfortable in their company.

Our two families are like chalk and cheese, but I’ve always thought we rubbed along OK.

Then on Mother’s Day we had a family get-together and, although I was on my very best behaviour, I managed to upset my daughter-in-law.

I feel as though I’m being judged at every turn and this is making me very tearful and withdrawn. I feel I have to walk on eggshells around them and would like to distance myself, but obviously I can’t because they’re family.

What can I do? I can’t change my personality at the age of 73.

Coleen says

Of course you shouldn’t have to change to please other people. Sometimes you have to adapt in certain situations – compromise or even bite your tongue for a short time – but you shouldn’t question your personality because it doesn’t suit someone.

You don’t mention your son, but I think he’s the best person to talk to – he might not be aware of it at all and I’m sure he wouldn’t want you to feel like this. You don’t have to be confrontational or nasty about his wife, but just explain how you feel and see if he’s got any insight or reassurance.

It can be really hard when families merge and there’s no reason you should all get on just because your kids are in a relationship. When I met my first mother-in-law it was clear we were very different in lots of ways and, at first, I found it tricky. But then we became really accepting of each other – and our differences – and ended up firm friends.

Be careful you’re not blowing this out of proportion because you’re bottling it up – talking will help to get more perspective and find a way through it.