EX HAS MOVED ON TOO QUICK

Dear Coleen

I have recently become a single mum after a 24-year relationship with the father of my children ended. I was devastated, but I can’t believe how quickly my ex has moved on.

Within three weeks of us splitting up, he has already found someone else. I feel I’ve been left heartbroken while he’s already started his new life. Any advice on how I can get over this really tough time would be appreciated.

Coleen says

It is a tough position to be in – I’ve been there. It’s hard when you feel abandoned and hurt, but you have to stop focusing on what he’s doing and think about yourself and your kids.

If you can, it also helps to reframe the situation – so instead of thinking “How could he do this to me?” start thinking “I’ve found out what he’s capable of and how little he thinks of our relationship, so now I have the opportunity to move on to better things”.

And if you’re angry, use that anger positively to spur you on. I hate generalising, but having two grown-up boys of my own, I know that men do find it easier to move on when a relationship comes to an end.

It’s often their way of dealing with things while women tend to dwell on their feelings and think a lot about the relationship, where and why it went wrong.

Moving on this quickly is often just a sticking plaster, but it doesn’t mean it’ll last.

Focus on your life and what you need to help you move on. Get support from friends and family, and distract yourself as much as possible – if people invite you to things say yes, even if it’s the last thing you feel like doing.

But, and this is also hard, try not to bad-mouth your ex in front of the kids. None of this is their fault and they still deserve a relationship with their dad.