I’M STILL IN LOVE WITH MY EX

Dear Coleen

I’m a 28-year-old man and have had difficulty settling down. Two years ago I met the love of my life and we quickly moved in together and got engaged.

She’s absolutely incredible and I loved her with all my heart, but five months into living together she was offered her dream job in New York. I couldn’t go with her because of my criminal record (I’ve been in prison for ABH and drugs charges).

I was devastated, but just before Christmas I started seeing someone else. She’s a nice girl and is fun to be with, but I don’t love her like I do my ex.

However, my ex is coming home to see her family at Easter and has messaged me asking if I’d like to meet up. I told her I would, lying that I’m single. But now I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to hurt my girlfriend, but I feel I can’t miss the chance of reuniting with the woman I love.

What do you suggest?

Coleen says

I think honesty is the best policy, otherwise people will end up getting hurt.

I think you should tell your ex that you have been seeing someone since Christmas.

You broke up and are living in different countries, so it’s not like you’ve cheated on her and I’m sure she expected that might happen. If she did want to get back together with you, I think you need to be realistic about what that would mean for your relationship.

You don’t say how long she’s in New York for, but you have to be honest about whether you could remain faithful and not become jealous. It’s a hard thing to do, but it’s easier if you know there’s an end date in sight when you’ll be reunited permanently.

As for your new girlfriend, it’s unfair to lead her on if you don’t think it’s going anywhere, regardless of the situation with your ex. You say she’s good fun, but it doesn’t strike me as if there’s any real chemistry there – it sounds like a classic rebound relationship to me.

If that’s so, be honest with her so she can decide what she wants.