Corrie plot is all at sea

Coronation Street writers really know how to wind up soap fans, don’t they? On Monday night they left us with Pat Phelan, risen from the dead and stitching up a nasty gash on his leg.

Last night? Corrie was delivered without Phelan and many questions remained. Is he alive or do we have a Ghostman Pat scenario here? (If so he’ll be needing that red van back.)

If he is actually alive, how did he survive that fall into the icy sea? If his B&B is in Ireland, how the heckity-feck did he get there?

Is the B&B owner even Irish? Or is she one of the Whitehaven Players working on a Mrs Doyle from a Father Ted tribute act? And how did a cowboy builder like Pat thread that sewing needle in the half-light FIRST TIME OF ASKING?!

One question that doesn’t need an answer is why he’s back.

There’s not much else to keep us going. The fallout from David’s rape isn’t delivering the promised drama.

Craig’s OCD seems to have been squeezed in as backstage crusaders continue their bid to have Corrie renamed Mental Health Street.

And Dev and Chesney’s fishbased comedy was so contrived I’m surprised there wasn’t Carry On backing music. Still, Eileen’s time in that police cell has messed up her fringe. So we can end on a positive.