My husband wears a bra whenever he gets chance

Dear Coleen

My husband has started cross-dressing. Now, every minute he’s at home he’s in a black slip, stockings, suspenders, bra (with false breasts) stilettos, lipstick and earrings.

He has dresses, skirts and tops, but mainly just wears the lingerie.

He is the most gentle and attentive man when he’s dressed up, and is the best lover you could dream of. When en-femme (that’s the term, I think) he will do anything for me.

He cross-dresses during breakfast and right until the last minute when it’s time for him to leave for work. On his return in the evening he puts on lingerie as soon as he’s in the house.

We are both in our late 30s, have no children and have been together for 15 years, married for seven, and this started just after Christmas.

He suggested he’d like to try it to spice up our love life, which was lacklustre. I thought it would be a one-off experiment and I agreed.

I had no idea it would go on so intensely and so frequently. I love him, but this isn’t what I signed up for, so to speak, and I am confused about it.

He refuses to discuss it, other than saying he needs to do it and agrees we need to talk about it, but just not yet. He says he’s not gay and doesn’t want to be with men.

In my despair, I checked his phone and laptop, and there is nothing there except some online lingerie shopping and the place where he bought shoes. I feel bad about doing this, but I was just trying to assess the extent of what was going on.

I have read help blogs and websites for partners of cross-dressers, but no one seems to have this situation every minute of every hour.

What should I do?

Coleen says

I think he’s being unfair, especially as you’ve been great and very accepting, even though as you put it, it wasn’t what you signed up for. It sounds as if he’s taking advantage of that and not thinking about your feelings.

Because you have responded so well and are enjoying the sexual side of things he thinks he’s been given the green light to do it whenever he pleases – which is all the time.

He should show you as much consideration as you’ve shown him. And part of that is opening up and having a proper discussion, answering your questions and agreeing on some boundaries.

Perhaps what you need to say is that you accept he wants to crossdress, but you’re not comfortable with him doing it every minute of every day.

And what about the sex? It might be exciting now and a novelty, but it might lose its thrill if he’s dressing up every time you make love.

I think it’s wonderful you’ve been so understanding and embraced it the way you have, but you need to get a bit stronger and tell him you need to talk about it or the marriage is in trouble.

I didn’t sign up for this, and I’m confused about it